motherfuckin' WHAT?

go awayyyyyyyyy

"They want to sit down and watch for obvious rewards. Perhaps they are people who have suppressed their feelings or held their desires in check, lopped off and discarded their worldly ambitions. But the objects of temptations are always directly before their eyes and ears, and the goal of their nobler aspirations lies several dozen years away. So fearing that they'll lose both, they lack inner resolve; inside the heart is fighting with itself and outside things are luring them from the path. The forces combine to drag them from the Way, and they too fall in defeat."

Got to stay focused.

Things to do this summer:
1. Cook. Hopefully I'll be more than an amateur by the end.
2. Bake. I want to get fancy with the sweets!
3. Buy a SLR camera. Got to capture the beauty around me.
4. DANCE. So excited for intensive!
5. Oil-paint. I really miss it..
6. Web design. I might be able to turn this hobby of mine into a side job. Possibly?
7. Plan for the future. What do I really want to do?

I miss simple living.

Sungod was fucking amazing. I experienced my first mosh pit in the dance tent with Girl Talk mixing sweet beats. Orgasm, I swear! I didn't care about people stepping over my pretty new plum Keds or the fact that a fat girl was playing bumper cars with her body against mine. Now my shoes wear a dirty, deep magenta color that serve as the only memory of that night. As Dennis and I entered the tent, the music rushed to me like "Whoa!" and we managed to push our way to the very front before the stage. That tent made me feel like I was in another dimension where only bliss and pretty music existed. "If you don't give a damn, we don't give a fuck (HEY)!" The mosh was a total workout. People swayed like crazy with all that pushing and shoving. I was up close and personal with strangers fast, and we exchanged apologetic smiles. Love it! To top off the night, N.E.R.D. was awesome. Pharrell: "What's the best college campus on earth?" The crowd managed to shout back a half-assed "UCSD!" Haaa. Pharrell was so damn cool working his magic on stage. Too bad I wasn't close enough to get picked to go on stage. Dancing on any kind of elevated platform is my glory, and I missed my chance. I swear I hate myself times a trillion.
Last weekend, I also performed for the second time with PGN at a high school 30 miles from the US/Mexican border. Haha. The energy was amazing! And Dennis came out to support! I'm happy to know that he always cheering me on.
Last week, PGN's master class was a jazz/contemporary class. Boy, do I miss doing that.. It's definitely different dancing hip hop and hitting hard all the time. At one point, the choreography almost made me tear because it reminded me of high school dance team, my ballet years, and the time and investment I put into this passion of mine. Sitting in front of the mirror in second position splits brought nostalgic memories. I'm definitely considering a few jazz and contemporary classes this summer. Speaking of this summer, I am so excited! So many plans. I like having plans. Makes me feel productive.

expectations equate trouble. a beautiful image is conjured in the head only to be smashed by reality in the next blistering second. but the feeling of blurring the lines of fantasy and reality is addicting. to think that the ideal would occur gives a happy skip to the heartbeat.
hope is cliche.

not the same anymore.